i am now concentrating treatment through self-exposure therapy (i.e. talking to strangers in bars).
i am chronicling my attempts at a new blog here: coldapproach.blogspot.com
doubtful i will continue to update this blog
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
success
Today I successfully walked into a bar I had never been in before and had a drink.
It is something I had attempted multiple times before but always pussied out on the sidewalk.
I did it today because the whole day I knew, as per the 'tactic' of last post, that "there will be ten minutes today of suckiness." That is, I would make myself go in the bar for ten minutes, and that no matter how bad it sucked (which was not very) it would only be for ten minutes. The tactic worked and I got myself to do it.
So anyway I sat at the bar and drank half a beer and left. There was a large lady sitting next to me and we exchanged 'how are yous' (she initiated). I got bored and left.
However, this gives me a much needed platform for initiation of conversation with strangers.
[Also, for those who don't go in bars because they are unsure of the 'protocol', here it is: at some bars there is an id-checker inside or outside of the door. If there is such a person he will want to check you are 18/21+ by your driver's license and then may stamp your hand or put a bracelet around your wrist or nothing. At the bar you wait to make eye contract with the bar tender. He will come over and you tell him what you want. If you are just doing this for social practice get say a bud light. Cheap and you dont event have to drink it. Pay him cash. Tip him a buck. Boom you are free to sit around like a lump on a log.]
It is something I had attempted multiple times before but always pussied out on the sidewalk.
I did it today because the whole day I knew, as per the 'tactic' of last post, that "there will be ten minutes today of suckiness." That is, I would make myself go in the bar for ten minutes, and that no matter how bad it sucked (which was not very) it would only be for ten minutes. The tactic worked and I got myself to do it.
So anyway I sat at the bar and drank half a beer and left. There was a large lady sitting next to me and we exchanged 'how are yous' (she initiated). I got bored and left.
However, this gives me a much needed platform for initiation of conversation with strangers.
[Also, for those who don't go in bars because they are unsure of the 'protocol', here it is: at some bars there is an id-checker inside or outside of the door. If there is such a person he will want to check you are 18/21+ by your driver's license and then may stamp your hand or put a bracelet around your wrist or nothing. At the bar you wait to make eye contract with the bar tender. He will come over and you tell him what you want. If you are just doing this for social practice get say a bud light. Cheap and you dont event have to drink it. Pay him cash. Tip him a buck. Boom you are free to sit around like a lump on a log.]
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Cold approach atmp 1
Ok so there is this bar that seems sociable. My idea is I go into the bar, order a drink, sit at the bar, and maybe strike up a conversation with a person next to me "nice outside huh."
The problem is I'm scared shitless of walking into the bar. I walk past it but just can't take the plunge.
I fully realize nothing will happen. Hardly anybody will notice me walk in etc.
Biking home form my latest failed attempt I came up with a tactic: before going to the bar, check time on watch. Say it's 9:12. Realize at 9:22 I will be walking out of the bar. It will all be over at 9:22 and I can go home. 9:12 to 9:22. I don't know, I feel I will probably do it tomorrow. At least the walking in and ordering a drink part (which btw is going to get a little pricey, plus I dont even really like alcohol). Hopefully once I've acclimated to the environment I can work on talking to strangers.
The problem is I'm scared shitless of walking into the bar. I walk past it but just can't take the plunge.
I fully realize nothing will happen. Hardly anybody will notice me walk in etc.
Biking home form my latest failed attempt I came up with a tactic: before going to the bar, check time on watch. Say it's 9:12. Realize at 9:22 I will be walking out of the bar. It will all be over at 9:22 and I can go home. 9:12 to 9:22. I don't know, I feel I will probably do it tomorrow. At least the walking in and ordering a drink part (which btw is going to get a little pricey, plus I dont even really like alcohol). Hopefully once I've acclimated to the environment I can work on talking to strangers.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Cold approach and hiding
Two points.
1. First, just the general idea of the hide response. The hide response I think is the underlying cause of the panic/freeze response that I've discussed before. The hide response is ubiquitous across nature arising largely in the context of prey hiding/avoiding predators. However I think it also manifests itself in the social domain. The SA person believes on a preconscious level that exposing himself (his natural thoughts, beliefs, questions, observations, desires, etc) will cause him to lose face or respect or approval etc. As such, the overwhelming urge in social situations is to hide. To hide by not speaking, to hide by physically removing oneself from the situation, to hide by not going to the situation, to hide by inventing 'fake personalities' when in conversation, to hide by focusing all attention on one's self-projection and how to optimize it (not on e.g. the other person). Conversation with me is fairly short and sparse, because it is entirely for me a game of not saying embarassing things. Conversation is like walking in a minefield for me that I am about to immediately say something disgraceful that will make my interlocutor avoid me in the future.
2. Meditation. This journal in its search for relief has drifted from solitary mental activities such as questioning and conversation simulation (see sidebar) to supplements for anxiety attenuation. I don't actively practice any of them except for taking omega-3s largely for acne. Having said that, my therapist has repeatedly recommended and I have been pseudo regularly meditating for the past month or so. Again, I will endorse it. Not just for SA, but for being calm and content in general. There are, however, some SA-benefits. By meditation I mean sitting quietly and comfortably (I just sit in my computer chair), closing one's eyes, and focusing on the current object of one's attention. Random and not so random objects will bounce in and out of attention, sometimes at a high rate, sometimes at a slow rate. A memory of the day will pop in, a part you will start to analyze it, a car will start outside, your foot will be uncomfortable, etc. The idea then is simply to cultivate an observance of all of these things. Sometimes you will get so caught up in the object of your attention you will forget you are meditating, and then you will realize this and feel ashamed. Don't quit meditating, just observe the events as they transpire! Meditating will not cure SA but it does cultivate I think an important mindset.
3. Ok, 3 things. The Cold Approach. Being a person low on friends (or really a desire to have a lot of consistent friends) the notion of the cold approach has always fascinated me. Imagine anytime you wanted, you could just walk outside to your local bar/coffee shoppe/book store/park and start a conversation with a stranger and make a new friend. Imagine how many people you would come to know and how much more experienced about the world you would be. There is a sexual aspect to this as largely I envision myself meeting women, not necessarily for sexual purposes but with that possibility open I guess. But a lot of that I suppose has to do with women are just more open to the type of (largely effeminate) conversation I would bring whereas most guys, at least in my mind, enjoy more grunting about sports and would assume I am gay to try to start a conversation with them. So yes it is more sexual, but it's mainly about meeting people and learning about people, and developing self-esteem and social skills in the process. So since it's summer and I literally do have no friends here and also no job (thanks SA) I think I am going to set myself the goal of one cold approach a day. I have a coffee shop and a small friendly bar within walking distance at my disposal. The coffee shop also has a bar-like space as opposed to individual tables where cold-approaching is impossible. So yes I have set myself the goal of one cold approach a day. What this entails is waiting for somebody to sit within earshot of me at the bar, saying "warm outside today huh", and if at all an open response asking them two conversational questions (e.g. if they say "It's so hot!" responding "You don't like the heat?" or something like that). That's my goal and I guess this journal will serve as a cold approach journal to document my hopeful progress. Also hopefully cold approaching in real life works different than online dating sites since out of like a month on one of those and 20 different girls messaged I received precisely 0 dates out of it :/
Anyway last night I went out and was too chicken to enter the bar. So we have quite a hill to climb friends.
1. First, just the general idea of the hide response. The hide response I think is the underlying cause of the panic/freeze response that I've discussed before. The hide response is ubiquitous across nature arising largely in the context of prey hiding/avoiding predators. However I think it also manifests itself in the social domain. The SA person believes on a preconscious level that exposing himself (his natural thoughts, beliefs, questions, observations, desires, etc) will cause him to lose face or respect or approval etc. As such, the overwhelming urge in social situations is to hide. To hide by not speaking, to hide by physically removing oneself from the situation, to hide by not going to the situation, to hide by inventing 'fake personalities' when in conversation, to hide by focusing all attention on one's self-projection and how to optimize it (not on e.g. the other person). Conversation with me is fairly short and sparse, because it is entirely for me a game of not saying embarassing things. Conversation is like walking in a minefield for me that I am about to immediately say something disgraceful that will make my interlocutor avoid me in the future.
2. Meditation. This journal in its search for relief has drifted from solitary mental activities such as questioning and conversation simulation (see sidebar) to supplements for anxiety attenuation. I don't actively practice any of them except for taking omega-3s largely for acne. Having said that, my therapist has repeatedly recommended and I have been pseudo regularly meditating for the past month or so. Again, I will endorse it. Not just for SA, but for being calm and content in general. There are, however, some SA-benefits. By meditation I mean sitting quietly and comfortably (I just sit in my computer chair), closing one's eyes, and focusing on the current object of one's attention. Random and not so random objects will bounce in and out of attention, sometimes at a high rate, sometimes at a slow rate. A memory of the day will pop in, a part you will start to analyze it, a car will start outside, your foot will be uncomfortable, etc. The idea then is simply to cultivate an observance of all of these things. Sometimes you will get so caught up in the object of your attention you will forget you are meditating, and then you will realize this and feel ashamed. Don't quit meditating, just observe the events as they transpire! Meditating will not cure SA but it does cultivate I think an important mindset.
3. Ok, 3 things. The Cold Approach. Being a person low on friends (or really a desire to have a lot of consistent friends) the notion of the cold approach has always fascinated me. Imagine anytime you wanted, you could just walk outside to your local bar/coffee shoppe/book store/park and start a conversation with a stranger and make a new friend. Imagine how many people you would come to know and how much more experienced about the world you would be. There is a sexual aspect to this as largely I envision myself meeting women, not necessarily for sexual purposes but with that possibility open I guess. But a lot of that I suppose has to do with women are just more open to the type of (largely effeminate) conversation I would bring whereas most guys, at least in my mind, enjoy more grunting about sports and would assume I am gay to try to start a conversation with them. So yes it is more sexual, but it's mainly about meeting people and learning about people, and developing self-esteem and social skills in the process. So since it's summer and I literally do have no friends here and also no job (thanks SA) I think I am going to set myself the goal of one cold approach a day. I have a coffee shop and a small friendly bar within walking distance at my disposal. The coffee shop also has a bar-like space as opposed to individual tables where cold-approaching is impossible. So yes I have set myself the goal of one cold approach a day. What this entails is waiting for somebody to sit within earshot of me at the bar, saying "warm outside today huh", and if at all an open response asking them two conversational questions (e.g. if they say "It's so hot!" responding "You don't like the heat?" or something like that). That's my goal and I guess this journal will serve as a cold approach journal to document my hopeful progress. Also hopefully cold approaching in real life works different than online dating sites since out of like a month on one of those and 20 different girls messaged I received precisely 0 dates out of it :/
Anyway last night I went out and was too chicken to enter the bar. So we have quite a hill to climb friends.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
A little relief
This blog started out emphasizing 'social skills' training or sort of ways to train your attention to avoid interaction-crippling social anxiety. I'm now fairly confident that natural-pharmacological intervention is the better method. By that I mean supplementation. It is hard to describe or prove the benefit and effect of supplementation, but I am fairly confident that I am much more stable, much less depressed, and experience much less social anguish today than I did six months ago.
My general logic in supplementation is basically the industrialization of food production in the past 50-70 years has altered the chemical composition of the human diet. Fertilization depletes soil of minerals, packaging and preservation breaks down sensitive yet vital nutrients, and people just don't eat the same foods as before. Blah blah.
The other proposition required for this to seem reasonable is an understanding of the untested and unreasonable assumption of the independence of the mind and psychology from the body. Although eating certain naturally occuring foods/plants has undeniable and immediate psychological effects (e.g. marijuana, salvia divornum, etc.) under the current medical understanding it is PREPOSTEROUS that daily diets could otherwise effect psychological parameters such as latent anxiety levels, intensity of panic responses, self-esteem, etc. etc. Although there is a blood-brain barrier, the brain still needs and has its composition affected by what it finds in the blood.
Anyway, the sole point of this post is the hope that somebody reads it, goes to the store and buys a $15.95 bottle of liquid magnesium, and finds a social fluidity that has been denied them thus far, to the point of social isolation.
My own personal tale with supplements is this, but it is hard to tell because I have no way of differentiating placebo effects, nor of putting words to minor and ineffable changes in my phenomenology and socializing.
I started out with fish oils (omega-3 acids) after reading various papers about correlations between fish in the diet and depression levels in human populations. Also various studies in rats demonstrated decreased brain plasticity after trauma in omega-3 deprived rats. And just that it used to be historically a staple of the human diet. I still take this supplement and I think it eases anguish/pain of social isolation. It takes you a little bit out of the hole and this translates into more happiness which is expressed in social behaviour; more spontaneous smiling and less hesitant eye contact.
I then tried inositol powder (in addition to the fish oil) again based on this time much more sparse scientific literature albeit it was there, especially in relation to panic disorder which probably has some relation to SAD. I no longer supplement with inositol as it is not a natural part of human diet intake (at least not in the large dosages required for effect) but again I can't say I didn't get some social anxiety reduction.
Next up was niacinamide. Again, sparse yet promising scientific literature in relation to anxiety disorders. (Google is your friend here). Again I no longer take it because not a natural part of the diet in large dosages, but the anxiolytic effect was more marked than inositol.
Then I started taking a whole-food multivitamin supplement to get the B-vitamin complex which is related to anxiety and really anything else that might affect anxiety. I still take this for general health and energy levels, and whatever might be involved in SA.
Saving the best for last (sorry, I'm just a suspense writer I guess) would be a liquid Magnesium and Calcium supplement I have been taking for approximately two weeks now. I don't have a problem taking this as much as the niacinamide as both of these minerals are natural parts of the human diet and have been depleted in the human diet in recent times. Furthermore Magnesium is chemically similar to Lithium which has known and potent anxiolytic effects. I do recommend you try out magnesium. Avoid magnesium oxide as it is not digested but, most other salts are good. I take a 500mg/250mg Mg/Ca liquid supplement once in the morning, and then a 50mg Mg supplement in the afternoon. I believe the effects of this, although subtle, have been much more potent than any supplement thus far I have tried. My social fluidity and "aggression" in social situations have been slowly improving. I also find I am much more focused on my work and in accomplishing tasks. Plus, unlike niacinamide and inositol, 'high' doses of Mg (U.S. rda is 500mg) are a natural part of human dietary intake. Regarding the calcium, I don't know if it's important or not but most liquid Mg supplements come with Ca so whatever.
So anyway, thats my current take on SA. To recap, I take: 1tbsp distilled fish oil, 1 whole-food multivitamin, and 500/250 Mg/Ca liquid supplement and a 50mg Mg supplement later in the day.
I do wish SA could be talked out of and reasoned around, but it is an involuntary panic response activated by unconscious interpretative processing largely out of our conscious control. The panic response takes over your entire body and mind, and it shuts you down. You hide, you don't form relationships with fellow humans, and you sink into social isolation and anguish/depression. The panic response is sculpted by the chemical environment of the brain.
My general logic in supplementation is basically the industrialization of food production in the past 50-70 years has altered the chemical composition of the human diet. Fertilization depletes soil of minerals, packaging and preservation breaks down sensitive yet vital nutrients, and people just don't eat the same foods as before. Blah blah.
The other proposition required for this to seem reasonable is an understanding of the untested and unreasonable assumption of the independence of the mind and psychology from the body. Although eating certain naturally occuring foods/plants has undeniable and immediate psychological effects (e.g. marijuana, salvia divornum, etc.) under the current medical understanding it is PREPOSTEROUS that daily diets could otherwise effect psychological parameters such as latent anxiety levels, intensity of panic responses, self-esteem, etc. etc. Although there is a blood-brain barrier, the brain still needs and has its composition affected by what it finds in the blood.
Anyway, the sole point of this post is the hope that somebody reads it, goes to the store and buys a $15.95 bottle of liquid magnesium, and finds a social fluidity that has been denied them thus far, to the point of social isolation.
My own personal tale with supplements is this, but it is hard to tell because I have no way of differentiating placebo effects, nor of putting words to minor and ineffable changes in my phenomenology and socializing.
I started out with fish oils (omega-3 acids) after reading various papers about correlations between fish in the diet and depression levels in human populations. Also various studies in rats demonstrated decreased brain plasticity after trauma in omega-3 deprived rats. And just that it used to be historically a staple of the human diet. I still take this supplement and I think it eases anguish/pain of social isolation. It takes you a little bit out of the hole and this translates into more happiness which is expressed in social behaviour; more spontaneous smiling and less hesitant eye contact.
I then tried inositol powder (in addition to the fish oil) again based on this time much more sparse scientific literature albeit it was there, especially in relation to panic disorder which probably has some relation to SAD. I no longer supplement with inositol as it is not a natural part of human diet intake (at least not in the large dosages required for effect) but again I can't say I didn't get some social anxiety reduction.
Next up was niacinamide. Again, sparse yet promising scientific literature in relation to anxiety disorders. (Google is your friend here). Again I no longer take it because not a natural part of the diet in large dosages, but the anxiolytic effect was more marked than inositol.
Then I started taking a whole-food multivitamin supplement to get the B-vitamin complex which is related to anxiety and really anything else that might affect anxiety. I still take this for general health and energy levels, and whatever might be involved in SA.
Saving the best for last (sorry, I'm just a suspense writer I guess) would be a liquid Magnesium and Calcium supplement I have been taking for approximately two weeks now. I don't have a problem taking this as much as the niacinamide as both of these minerals are natural parts of the human diet and have been depleted in the human diet in recent times. Furthermore Magnesium is chemically similar to Lithium which has known and potent anxiolytic effects. I do recommend you try out magnesium. Avoid magnesium oxide as it is not digested but, most other salts are good. I take a 500mg/250mg Mg/Ca liquid supplement once in the morning, and then a 50mg Mg supplement in the afternoon. I believe the effects of this, although subtle, have been much more potent than any supplement thus far I have tried. My social fluidity and "aggression" in social situations have been slowly improving. I also find I am much more focused on my work and in accomplishing tasks. Plus, unlike niacinamide and inositol, 'high' doses of Mg (U.S. rda is 500mg) are a natural part of human dietary intake. Regarding the calcium, I don't know if it's important or not but most liquid Mg supplements come with Ca so whatever.
So anyway, thats my current take on SA. To recap, I take: 1tbsp distilled fish oil, 1 whole-food multivitamin, and 500/250 Mg/Ca liquid supplement and a 50mg Mg supplement later in the day.
I do wish SA could be talked out of and reasoned around, but it is an involuntary panic response activated by unconscious interpretative processing largely out of our conscious control. The panic response takes over your entire body and mind, and it shuts you down. You hide, you don't form relationships with fellow humans, and you sink into social isolation and anguish/depression. The panic response is sculpted by the chemical environment of the brain.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Questioning saves the day
My omega-3 supp makes me happier. Being spontaneously happy helps SA. It allows you to genuinely smile and meet eyes with people. It keeps your mind off negativity.
A b-vitamin supp (part of a whole foods multivita supp) gets my dopamine and serotonin levels up. It does dull SA.
For clutch situations I take a Niacinamide 500mg which immediately acts to upregulate GABA (inhibition; in the sense of inhibition of anxiety).
But that still doesn't stop habitual thought patterns. Anxiety thought patterns.
Yesterday I was with family and an outgoing (and non-blood) relative was playing '20 questions' with all the younger relatives she hadn't seen in a while. We were sitting in a circle and I knew she was going to get to me. I started having anxious thoughts and feelings. Uncomfortableness, wanting to be cool and funny enough, hoping I do not expose anything that would cause the circle to shun and think less of me.
But then I remembered questioning.
What are some questions I would ask her? Why is she asking the questions she is asking? THe people who are answering, can they elaborate on their answers?
It just completely turned my thought cycle around and I started being talkative again.
Supplementation and (some, preferably natural) pharmacological intervention is great. But man, questioning saved the day there.
A b-vitamin supp (part of a whole foods multivita supp) gets my dopamine and serotonin levels up. It does dull SA.
For clutch situations I take a Niacinamide 500mg which immediately acts to upregulate GABA (inhibition; in the sense of inhibition of anxiety).
But that still doesn't stop habitual thought patterns. Anxiety thought patterns.
Yesterday I was with family and an outgoing (and non-blood) relative was playing '20 questions' with all the younger relatives she hadn't seen in a while. We were sitting in a circle and I knew she was going to get to me. I started having anxious thoughts and feelings. Uncomfortableness, wanting to be cool and funny enough, hoping I do not expose anything that would cause the circle to shun and think less of me.
But then I remembered questioning.
What are some questions I would ask her? Why is she asking the questions she is asking? THe people who are answering, can they elaborate on their answers?
It just completely turned my thought cycle around and I started being talkative again.
Supplementation and (some, preferably natural) pharmacological intervention is great. But man, questioning saved the day there.
Monday, November 26, 2007
I found this site extremely interesting
User reviews for effectiveness of various drugs/supplements to treat SA:
Linky
I especially like the lawyer who noted his salary increased due to taking the drug. I can relate to that, i.e., earning a low salary simply because I have no confidence in my ability to 'deal' because I know high pressure social situations cause me to freeze and lose rational thought.
Linky
I especially like the lawyer who noted his salary increased due to taking the drug. I can relate to that, i.e., earning a low salary simply because I have no confidence in my ability to 'deal' because I know high pressure social situations cause me to freeze and lose rational thought.
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